Confirmation

We knew the likelihood when the neurologist first pronounced the words: indications of Multiple Sclerosis.
All of the signs were there.

It seems a bit twisted to put my husband through more tests, especially the spinal tap, but doctors do like to have confirmation.

This time, there was no hesitation as the doctor entered the room. He flipped on the computer screen, turned off the light, and began pointing.
See this brain MRI? These are the lesions that got you referred to me.
See these spinal tap result numbers? Down here is where we like to see results. Up here is where you are.
See this spine MRI? These are the newest lesions. They're multiplying.
Everything. Every single result confirms Multiple Sclerosis.

And, folks, that's just it. There is no "test" for MS. There are indications. But, no test to give a positive or negative result.

However, when every single test indicates MS, there's no turning back.

So, we held hands & listened.

The run-down of the latest meds. The recommendations of the doctor.

The entrance of the nurse with her matter-of-fact attitude. How many shocked faces like ours does she see each day? As the doctor confirms our worst fears, then flees - & she's left to pick up the pieces.

Here - here is a book & pamphlets & a barrage of verbal information.

Here are the explanations of the meds - the nurse will come out to your house to show you how to give yourself your weekly shot. This is the list of side effects.
These are the meds we've already tried that didn't work for you.

Information overload.
Numbness.

My husband sat by my side, but I don't think he was there.
Afterwards, he asked me to go over everything that was said. Apparently, he heard almost nothing after the doctor showed us the film of his newest spinal lesions.

I've been a bit obsessed since then. Researching online. Reading blogs. Looking for "alternative" treatments.
It's been a never-ending emotional roller coaster of ups & downs.

My husband appears to be digesting the news. He's made the phone calls to immediate family members.
They've taken it pretty hard, which sucks. He needs them to be strong for him. It's not fair for him to have to reassure them. But such is life.

He's started a new medication, along with a massively increased dosage of Vitamin D & the addition of a daily magnesium pill. The nurse comes soon to teach him how to give himself the weekly shot of the newest drug. The packages of his medications began arriving earlier this week. We've cleared a spot in the refrigerator for them.

It's all real now. No denial.